Thursday, July 23, 2009

Snakes (not) Alive!

After my great day last week, I came home and checked my e-mail/facebook/twitter, as is my custom. (You do it too, right?) I was looking out the window while I tried to think of something cool to post on facebook/twitter as my status when I noticed a car doing doughnuts on the cul-de-sac in front of the house.

After the second time they drove through the cul-de-sac and slammed on their brakes in front of the driveway, I got a little alarmed. Clearly, they had beheld my after-Chuck E. Cheese beauty through the window and were mercilessly and helplessly in love with me and would be stalking me forever. Or something like that.

I really freaked out when the car came up the driveway and then drove out the other side of the circular drive. I army-crawled my way to the kitchen to tell the kids to hide with me. Without a doubt, we were in danger from some crazy person!

As I picked up the phone to call my not-yet-home-husband or the police or both, I saw the car coming up the drive again. As I watched breathlessly, the garage door opened.


That was my husband driving around the neighborhood like a maniac.


Jason came inside with a grim, yet psychotic, look on his face. He looked at me with a mixture of sorrow and terror on his face, which is usually reserved for the day when the Belk bill comes in. He said one word that made my blood chill.


He went on to tell me that he thought he'd run over it, but couldn't find it. Of course, he told me this as I'm making trips to my car to bring in my treasures from our Toys R Us shopping trip. He leaned over right as I walk by his tire to "check to make sure it didn't get hung up in the axle." I did some fancy footwork to get back in the house quickly! I might be brave about some things, but definitely not snakes!

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. Jason was cleaning up the "natural area" (i.e. briars, wild shrubs, and weeds) in front of the house after I may or may not have threatened him to do so. I noticed a yucky smell, but it was a little hot while he was working (and HEY, he was working!), so I didn't mention it to Jason (that I totally thought it was him) that I thought something was dead out there.

He found it.

Snake vs. Car.

Car wins.

(Please disregard the poor, shaky quality of the picture. Something tells me that Jason was moving quickly AWAY from the subject when this picture was taken.)

13 delightful comments:

Valerie said...

lol Lianne you sound like me when someone is in front of my house or driveway that I don't know. Running and hiding - are we paranoid? lol If not about that then definitely about the snake!

Wendy said...

Poor little snake! They're so cute and cuddly with their scales, slithering and big, pointy fangs...

Melissa said...

Ooh (shudder)....that just gave me the heebie-jeebies! I'm grossed out, dead or alive! You (and a slug LOL) inspired my blog post this morning :)

Armchair Housewife said...

That is one dedicated husband you have tat is doing all that fancy stunt driving to protect you from snakes. What a knight in shining mini van! :)

ElanaJ said...

ROTFL! I love this line, "Snake." That's it, no explanation needed. That's how I am with all things that have more than two legs--or no legs at all.


Jill said...

Snakes are of the devil - literally!

tonya said...

1) I've long held fast that only fancy shmancy houses have circular you really are a celebrity hiding behind this blog/twitter thing right?

2) Snakes - only good one is a dead one. We had our own little snake hunt a while back, not sure if you saw the lovely pictorial I posted on FB of Snake Hunt 2009. It was a real gem.

Rachel said...

Poor snake! I love snakes. . . (sigh)

And great add-in about the Belk bill. you made me smile. :)

Walking on Sunshine... said...

Well at least it was dead!! I would freak, literally freak if I found one alive near our house. Don't know if I would be able to leave my house if there was one outside!!! Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

I've done that crawl many times growing up...that is the times we live in. And I'm in agreement the snake has to be dead, dead, dead. Jason should have taken the car back out and ran over it again, a snake can never be to flat.


Billy Coffey said...

Dead Snake! Awesome!

Army crawl! Awesome!

Anonymous said...

I know this will brand me a weirdo, but I have never understood the fear of snakes. Unless it is a rattlesnake, copperhead, or cottonmouth, I am happy to have them and leave them be in my year. And while I am no left wing tree hugger, I like all wildlife and have performed a couple of snake saves over the years in my neghborhood before someone could run over them or chop them up - I moved them to the wooded area behind my house. Funny story though, I can picture Jason driving in circles triing to hit it.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous is Randy Teed BTw, Sorry about that ........Don't have a registered id on here!