The Return of the Elf

July 31, 2009

Last Christmas, we were visited by John David, our family's adopted Elf on the Shelf.
We had lots of fun with John David. He brought the kids lots of little treats. He also did something we called "mischief." He was always doing something funny around the house, like dumping out underwear drawers:He was always re-arranging toys (spoons, candy, legos, etc.) to spell out the word "elf." He dressed the kids' stuffed animals in their underwear:He even put a bow on poor, poor Tootie dog:John David's final act of mischief was to "roll" the living room on Christmas Eve, right before he caught a ride with Santa back to the North Pole.
This resulted in a lot of Christmas pictures that looked like this:Bless Grandmama's heart, she spent half Christmas Day rolling that toilet paper back on the roll. (John David used our good Charmin, and we weren't about to let it go to waste!)This picture has nothing to do with John David, but it is something that Emma got from Santa, and it reminded me of something else funny:He left a note for the kids, explaining that he had to go back to build more toys for next year, but since they had been moping and complaining about him having to leave, he might try to make a trip during the summer for a little vacation. (The only thing he asked was that Emma make him a little bed to sleep in.)So, fast-forward to last week. The family came home from a park outing to find this on the back deck:I hope he put some sunscreen on his rosy cheeks. Nice shades, J.D. (Somewhere, there is a new naked Ken doll in the house.)In true vacation style, he slept a lot:Watched some tv:Monopolized the remote control:In true naughty elf style, he also did a little mischief:
(Does anybody think Luke looks like one of the "Three Stooges" here? "Hey Moe!" Silly elf.)

Emma had a friend come sleep over, and now she wants an elf to come to her house, too. Her mom even called me to thank me for putting this idea in her daughter's head. Yay for spreading a little elf love!

John David left last Saturday with a promise that he will be back soon after Thanksgiving. We are really looking forward to seeing what kind of mischief he will come up with then.

(My apologies if Google brought you here on some sort of "Lord of the Rings" search. My bad.)

If you haven't registered for my giveaway, it's not too late! Do it now!

Arrest this Woman!

July 30, 2009


Sorry, can't blog today...muscles shaking all over from this:

She's a masochist! (No, I haven't done the whole circuit of Day 1 yet. I'm dyin' here, folks!) I'm hurting in places I didn't know I had places.

I'll give a full review (if and) when I finish the video. Y'all pray for me.

Don't forget my GIVEAWAY!!!

When the Bugs Come Marching In...

July 29, 2009

It started out innocently enough. About a month ago, I found one of the ugly buggers meandering through my bedroom. I peered down at it with disbelief.Never before had I seen one of these bugs in my house.

Every summer my parents would have these nasty critters in their basement, our church has them in the Fellowship Hall, but NEVER had they been in my home.

Little did I know that this was just the beginning of the onslaught of the nasty multi-legged bug plague. Our pest control man sprayed his special "kills bugs not people" poison around the doors and walls. The army continued its advance. Jason put down some Sevin dust, which they laughed and pointed at as they continued their march to the Sea or the bathroom, whatever they reached first.It seemed as though midnight was the "witching hour" for critter cruising. I am something of a night-owl, so it was not unusual for me to run across multitudes of these icky suckers as they traipsied to their demise.

The only three things that have proven fatal to them are: (1.) Size 8.5 shoes (I wear a size 6 shoe, but a 7 feels so good that I wear an 8.5), applied directly on them. (2.) Being flushed down a watery grave. [Yes, there really is one in there. And don't judge me for having a potty lid cozy.] (3.) Small brown chihuahuas that use them as playthings.They are very small, i.e., about this long: ------------- . They have lots of legs and move relatively quickly. They apparently have the ability to materialize out of thin air. As soon as I flush one, another one teleports in a-la' "Star Trek." I would bet that I've been responsible for the death of an entire rain forest's worth of toilet paper, because I refuse to touch them directly as I escort them on their journey to Beulah Land.

I know I'm not completely alone in this. My neighbors have complained about them too. One with a pool has to scoop net-fulls of them out of her pool every day. One of Emma's friends told us that her Mom has to vacuum three times a day to get them all up. (Really? I keep a pretty clean house, but I don't think I care THAT much.)

So, what gives? Do y'all have these things in your houses? What are they? Can they be defeated? I am, literally, two flushes away from calling in the National Guard. They must be destroyed, PETA be darned!

I added this post to Wendy's "Life is Funny" Carnival. If you need a good laugh, check it out!

Name that Tune

July 28, 2009


The kids and I were in the car, heading out on a day trip to Tuscaloosa. I was flipping through the stations, trying to find something decent to listen to. I stopped on an easy-listening station when I heard the beginning notes of a song from my youth by Michael Jackson.

No words had been sung in the song yet. There was a lengthy musical introduction at the beginning part of the song. We had only heard a couple of "hee hees" and one "whoo chicka," when Emma piped up from the backseat with a question. She asked, "Is this Michael Jackson?" I laughed and confirmed her suspicions.

Since Emma was born in 2000, Michael Jackson was not on any playlist of music that she has ever been subjected to. In fact, until the three-ring circus that was his death and funeral, neither Emma nor Luke had ever heard of Michael Jackson and weren't familiar with his music. In the short few weeks since his death, Emma had already become very aware of Jackson's voice. In her mind, his voice was unmistakable.

I began to ponder how many unmistakable voices I hear every day. I thought of those of my children, my husband, my parents, my friends. I expanded that group to include that of celebrities, musicians, newsmen, and even that movie voice-over guy (RIP). But, out of all these people that I either know, love, never met, respect, and/or dislike, I could pick their voice out of a crowd anytime, anywhere. Can I say the same for the voice of the Creator of the Universe? Do I hear it enough that it is familiar to me? Could I filter out the voice of the One who loves me more than I will ever love anyone else?

It takes a lot of effort to "be still and know that [He] is God" (Psalm 46:10). With the cacaphony of voices surrounding us, like Elijah, we have to listen closely and carefully for that still, small voice that is continually calling out to us. That voice prods us to move forward, to encourage us, to guide us, and to instruct us. All we have to do is listen and be aware of Who is speaking to us.

A Giveaway for my Birthday!

July 27, 2009

Technically, my birthday is not until August 3, but I found some really cute summery kitchen stuff at Belk over the weekend, so...

I'm doing my first GIVEAWAY ever!

I totally had planned to do this on my 100th post, but this is only my 75th. However, this is MY blog and it's about to be MY birthday, so I can do what I want to do!

I am giving to one of my U.S.-dwelling-bloggy friends (Sorry, Canadian bloggy friends and beyond...that includes you, my quiet little friend in Belgium.) these cool items:

A pretty wall plaque...
...that has a sense of humor. As if MY kitchen ever closes!
Some pretty candles that look like limes and lemons. Do not eat. (Sorry, I'm a mom. It comes naturally.)
Finally, a set of matching baskets, perfect for storing fruit--who am I kidding? In my house these babies would be holding chocolate. But not for long periods of time, though.

Here's how to enter:

First, just comment on this post. You may earn extra entries by:

1. Following me on Twitter.
2. Tweet about this giveaway.
   
3. Subscribing to or Following this blog, using the followers gadget or a reader.
   

Be sure to leave an extra comment for each extra entry.

Also, if I make it to 75 "Gadget Followers," I will throw in an extra something cool. (Not to be confused with something extra-cool. Although it might be something extra-cool. I just haven't decided on what it will be yet.) Why 75? I was born in 1975 and this is my 75th post, so I'm shooting for the stars here! I was going to just suggest the age I am now, but somehow my followers number went up and over that recently (thank you/I'm flattered/I apologize), so I had to set my sights higher.

The contest starts at 12:00 a.m. on Monday, July 27, and closes at 11:59 p.m. on Monday, August 3. A winner will be randomly chosen and announced on Tuesday, August 4 when my sugar high from the cake wears off. Good luck!

Snakes (not) Alive!

After my great day last week, I came home and checked my e-mail/facebook/twitter, as is my custom. (You do it too, right?) I was looking out the window while I tried to think of something cool to post on facebook/twitter as my status when I noticed a car doing doughnuts on the cul-de-sac in front of the house.

After the second time they drove through the cul-de-sac and slammed on their brakes in front of the driveway, I got a little alarmed. Clearly, they had beheld my after-Chuck E. Cheese beauty through the window and were mercilessly and helplessly in love with me and would be stalking me forever. Or something like that.

I really freaked out when the car came up the driveway and then drove out the other side of the circular drive. I army-crawled my way to the kitchen to tell the kids to hide with me. Without a doubt, we were in danger from some crazy person!

As I picked up the phone to call my not-yet-home-husband or the police or both, I saw the car coming up the drive again. As I watched breathlessly, the garage door opened.

Oh.

That was my husband driving around the neighborhood like a maniac.

Oh.

Jason came inside with a grim, yet psychotic, look on his face. He looked at me with a mixture of sorrow and terror on his face, which is usually reserved for the day when the Belk bill comes in. He said one word that made my blood chill.

"Snake."

He went on to tell me that he thought he'd run over it, but couldn't find it. Of course, he told me this as I'm making trips to my car to bring in my treasures from our Toys R Us shopping trip. He leaned over right as I walk by his tire to "check to make sure it didn't get hung up in the axle." I did some fancy footwork to get back in the house quickly! I might be brave about some things, but definitely not snakes!

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. Jason was cleaning up the "natural area" (i.e. briars, wild shrubs, and weeds) in front of the house after I may or may not have threatened him to do so. I noticed a yucky smell, but it was a little hot while he was working (and HEY, he was working!), so I didn't mention it to Jason (that I totally thought it was him) that I thought something was dead out there.

He found it.

Snake vs. Car.

Car wins.

(Please disregard the poor, shaky quality of the picture. Something tells me that Jason was moving quickly AWAY from the subject when this picture was taken.)

Blog Soup

July 22, 2009

I have several things I need to say (before I forget), so this is a leftover-thought-soup-type-post. Prepare to chase some rabbits.

Recently I entered a contest at Jill's blog to win a really awesome beach bag/purse. It took me a while to actually enter the contest because I couldn't stop laughing at her humiliating beach story. You need to read it.

So, this is my new bag:

I am not at the prom, in case you were wondering. Luke took this picture Monday night at Vacation Bible School in front of the waterfall I made. Also, I'd like to point out that the double-chin is an illusion created when a 48 3/4 inch person takes your picture from below.

See? No double chin in this picture that my Mom took later. But then the flabby arm illusion is created. I can't win. You can also see my new outcropping of freckles that I acquired at the Guin Waterpark with the kids earlier in the day. (We won't mention that you can see my bra strap, too, because that would not be classy.)

We had a great time at the Waterpark. More pictures to come later...

Finally, as I mentioned, we are having VBS at our church this week. Monday night I taught a lesson about Jesus walking on the water. I asked the kids how that story shows us that Jesus was God's Son. This guy (Luke J. ) came up with a great answer:

"Because he looked like Jesus."

Exactly. There you go.